If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
