my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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