His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
