I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
