i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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