So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
