i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
