I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
