Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
