make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
