she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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