I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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