Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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