Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
