You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
