I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
