I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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