well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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