shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
