It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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