how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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