For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
