he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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