I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
