so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
