last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
