so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
