Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
