I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came so hard my ears popped.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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