I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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