I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
