You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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