In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
