so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize