p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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