I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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