My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
