What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
