She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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