we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They have beer where we have blood.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
