2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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