just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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