You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
