If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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