is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
