Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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