You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you still have your period?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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