Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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