Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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