like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
