I'm lost and stupid without you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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