You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Terrible idea I love it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
