nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
