She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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