I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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