I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
