He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
