K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
