You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
