She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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