I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
