Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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