she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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