I look better un-naked...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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