Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
