omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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