thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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