Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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