I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
