I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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