There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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