so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
