I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
