ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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