Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize