MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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