Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
