Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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