Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
