yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
