if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
