The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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