just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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