they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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